Its almost over!!
The freak-out of the moment is centered around the wrap party. They're a little worried about the people who are going to be there. For some reason Alison's having problems with Michelle being there (oh.... cuz Michelle's a cute blonde and Ali's... uhm.... not?)
Jun's apparently a little hesitant to hang with the evicted scum because she's thinking they're not going to be so happy with her after seeing her DR comments. And she doesn't even want to be around the family members of the evictees.
Jun inspects the tag of a dress she has... one Michelle wore? Jun and Michelle were the same size? OMG. Jun says "at least I can still fit in a small". In what world? And how does Jun define "fit"?
They both go on about how they're going to need "security" at the wrap party. Hah! Damn right! Ali's especially skeevy about Dana being there. Jun wants a bodyguard. Ali says BB has assured her that they'll be protected. "Besides", she says, "there are going to be like 400 to 500 people there so who says we have to talk to any of those people?" Jun says "how do you know that?" to which Ali replies "I have my ways." Jun rolls her eyes, Ali says that if anyone punches them at the party, they can, like, sue them, and get another $500K.
They climb into bed, the lights dim, and Ali recites the words to some lullabye that her mom used to sing to her at night before she went to bed. Jun wants her to sing it, but Ali says "won't I get in trouble?" and Jun says "not if it's a song your mom made up" but my luck holds out and Ali doesn't sing it, just tells it to her, even though Jun asks in her kinda-cute little girl voice for her to please sing her a bedtime song. Some shit about strawberry wishes and some kinda dreams. Champagne wishes and caviar dreams? Is her mom Robin Leach? Lifestyles of the Bitchy and Fameless.
Oh jeez... Ali wants to "breathe" Donny. I'd prefer her to not breathe at all. Hopefully one of us will get our wish, and I hope it isn't Alison.
Jun so wants Bob to be at the wrap party, and I almost hope he is there, professing his love for her, with a message from Donny telling Alison to eff off.
Junison is now speaking to each other in baby voices. Kill me now.
Just Say No
Jun tells Ali she cannot believe BB confiscated their Tylenol PM. Ali says she was told they could get it in "prescribed doses". Jun assumes they are supposed to use it just for pain. Ali says no, sleep. Jun is unconvinced and says she might as well drop a dumbbell on her foot. You'd think the next sentence would begin with "Jun picks up Ali and..."
The Doctor is In
Seems Dr. Zachary was quite busy last night. Ali and Jun both have marathon sessions as they come to the self-realization that they are pretty poor excuses for human beings. Ali and Jun have a classic "did"-"did not"-"did too" argument over whether or not Jun asked to see the Doc. Ali's sessions lasts over an hour, and the Doctor had to tell her to "wrap it up".
Ali cranks the whineometer up to 11. ""I wanna go home. I hate it in here. It's no fun. Actually, it's terrible. Absolutely terrible, awful, awful. Place sucks...a-holes, awful, just awful. I wanna go home. They are holding me hostage against my own free will. This is the worst place ever".
Politically Abysmal
In a continued pathetic display of pandering to the whiners, BB lets them watch several episodes as well as the finale of The Amazing Race. Ali says, "I didn't think the fags won." Jun corrects her and says "you mean Gay Couple".
Nothing Left to Live For
Ali am sad. Now the BB is essentially over, she has nothing left to compete for. No more pageants, no more ice skating. Ali says she asked if she could compete in every single reality show and beat everybody. Jun says no. Ali asks, why not? Jun tells Ali, "Because you have to Move On." (Notice that Jun doesn't mention that All-Ali All-the-Time on reality shows would cause an instant implosion of the entire genre) Jun concludes that maybe Ali should huff some Raid and put humanity out of its misery and.... oh, no. That was my dream again. Me bad.
And you wonder Why?
Ali rants about everybody else not in the room. She can't believe Robert won all the America's Choice. She says they should make it so you can't win two in a row. Ok. Then I say they should make it so you can't get yourself Veto'd two times in a row. Ali is angry that Erika asked her "Why should I vote to give you $500k?" Ali yells, "Well, don't then...you b--h from hell!" Later Ali and Jun decide that tomorrow they are going to burn Joey (Erika's pinata) and smash Robert's gnome. In a final CLUNG Ali whines "and nobody ever said Congratulations to me!"
Poor Ali's Almanac
Ali "You know me. Once I start talking, you can't shut me up."
Ali "I guess I could just go on talking for hours and hours. Do I ever bore you?"
Ali "I want to go home, like really, really bad DUDE."
Ali "Why the f--k would anybody be watching us? Survivor has started."
Ali "If I won (BB), do you think it would be wrong if I asked my Dad for money?"
Ali "I don't know how to grill."
Ali "Donny's ass knows that if he ever wrote me a letter, it better say i love you at least six times."
Ali "Where did they get these losers? It f--king kills me that these losers came from our past."
Pandering
Arnold, Allison and the crew continue to pander to these idiots. Last night's FOH was attributed to their viewing of the movie "Narc". After it's over, Ali shrieks, "It was SOOOO Goood!"
Slandering
If the day has a "y" in it, it must be a Dana-bashing day. Ali tells Jun that Dana had a perfume that smelled better on Ali than it did on Dana. Then Dana got mad and put it away and never wore it again. It doesn't occur to Ali that maybe Dana put it away because she was tired of her using her stuff. Later, Ali and Jun turn their sights to Erika. Jun says, "I wanted her big fat silicone teetee ass out...33 year old failed actress who wants to be in Playboy..."
Then Comes Jun With a Baby Carriage
More talk of marriage and babies. It starts, oddly enough, with a discussion of pets. Does Jun have any pets? Nope. They require too much patience and time. Ali says but if you want babies..... Jun says it's different. I agree. You need a thousand times more patience and you might as well sign over all your time. Period. Ali asks Jun if maybe she isn't in too big of a hurry to have babies. Jun says no, if that were the case, she'd already be married and have them by now. Ali plans to get married in five years and then start popping them out ASAP right afterwards.
Please Put Your Trays in an Upright Position
Ali and Jun discuss the difficulties of re-entering society. Surprisingly they don't talk about the stinging backlash that awaits them. Jun wants to be her own boss. She doesn't want a 9-5 job. Too bad being your own boss often means something closer to a 5-9 job. 5am-9pm, that is. Ali wants a new car. Jun suggest Ali channel her fame-whoredom and approach a dealership to do a commercial in exchange for a set of wheels. Ali wants a Lexus. Oh, how I wish Yugo's were back on the market. I consider an Ali-Yugo exchange pretty even.
Please Add these to the list
Ali thought they were going to a rat party, not a "Wrap" party.
Ali says someone in her family (likely story) called a cockroach a Crotchroach.
Ali thought the Pledge of Allegiance went "One dation, under God...
Add these to the list as well
Jun says oatmeal cookies make her poop.
Jun ate eight chicken wings.
Jun hates lamb.
Jun and Ali love "Dipping Dots."
Revelations In the Key of Ignorance
Ali says, "It's funny how some of these people (other Hamsters) are gonna be perceived by TV, and live feed people will know the real deal."
Psych
Ali and Jun pack. Ali picks up her mock web page. Ali proclaims, "I love my website! I love my Internet fans. *Snort* Good.
Monkeys + Flying + My Butt
Oh, the upcoming fame these two will face! Jun says they will think Ali is Britney Spears! Ali admits she gets that a lot. (From whom? Blind People?) Ali says people also mistake her for Heather Locklear and Sarah Jessica Parker. Words fail.
BB am funny
BB "Remember Houseguests, if you win the half-million dollar prize, you'll never have to eat peanut-butter again."