ISU announces the death of John Coughlin

[andromache]

I didn't know that. He might possibly have hoped the situation could be resolved quietly. And then, since Dalilah mentioned it and said she'd been talking to him every day, he may have regretted his decision. But do you know more? I'm only speculating, trying to imagine why he took that action, or inaction.

His due process was the ongoing investigation. He chose not to see that through by taking his own life.

At least I think that is what rachno2 means.

He has given up his chance for exoneration and his victims’ chances for justice.

 

[rachno2]

I don't think Dalilah's goal was to send condolences to John's family--she was as close to John as anyone and she was trying to express how John himself felt. I think what she said was exactly what John himself told her he felt.

I agree, and my comment is really more of a general observation (though Delilah's statement is what set me off). I do think it is helpful to convey his state of mind, especially when so many people suffer from mental illness and suicidal tendencies (myself included). But this rabid anger at his reputation being ruined—as if that were more important than getting to the truth of allegations—still makes me uncomfortable.

This is a terrible event for everyone involved. People can process grief however they want; I'm not trying to police how they do so. I just personally think more caution and care could be taken with regard to the possible survivor(s).

 

[DanseMacabre]

I’m sure I’ll get attacked for this, but I need to get it off my chest.

I know she is grieving, but this kind of statement reads as extremely insensitive to his accusers. There are ways of sending your condolences to his family and regretting that a horrible event like suicide took place without implying that his accusers are lying, or that he is the victim of injustice. The thing is, he had the option of due process, and for reasons unknown to us he chose not to see that due process through. Now his family and accusers may never have that closure.

It just makes me uncomfortable to see everybody gush about how nice/handsome/honest he is when we still do not know the whole story. A terribly sad thing happened, and his family deserves all the support and sympathy in the world. That is all I would say publicly without knowing the full extent of the accusations and their veracity.

My condolences to his family. I can’t imagine living through something like this.

I don't think you deserve to be attacked for saying that and I appreciate that you've provided a reasonable response to what is a tragic situation all around. My only hope is that both his loved ones and those who reported their interactions with him to SafeSport can somehow eventually find peace.

 

[believed]

I’m sure I’ll get attacked for this, but I need to get it off my chest.

I know she is grieving, but this kind of statement reads as extremely insensitive to his accusers. There are ways of sending your condolences to his family and regretting that a horrible event like suicide took place without implying that his accusers are lying, or that he is the victim of injustice. The thing is, he had the option of due process, and for reasons unknown to us he chose not to see that due process through. Now his family and accusers may never have that closure.

It just makes me uncomfortable to see everybody gush about how nice/handsome/honest he is when we still do not know the whole story. A terribly sad thing happened, and his family deserves all the support and sympathy in the world. That is all I would say publicly without knowing the full extent of the accusations and their veracity.

My condolences to his family. I can’t imagine living through something like this.

Thank you so much.

 

[evasorange]

I don’t think some people are intentionally trying to gloss over victims it’s just we have next to nothing regarding info about them. We don’t Know how many there are, ages, genders or even what the allegations are. I know there was a rumor that they were sexual in nature but still us fed/safe sport has not confirmed. I’m not defending John at all it’s just we have such a murky picture of what the situation is. Tbh I don’t understand the point of going public with allegations when you don’t want to or can’t confirm or give info about what exactly is going on. It’s just a mess

 

[elbkup]

So so saddened at the news..
The trajectory of a life should never come to this. We are none of us perfect no matter how gifted but we are all the sum total of, and responsible for, the decisions we make in the end. May his soul find peace, consolation; condolences to family and friends.

 

[skateluvr]

I was shocked when I read this in a news feed. I am triggered as I am ill and have had poor care in ER. As a survivor I feel for anyone he may have hurt. I think because of Gymnastics there is zero tolerance now in skating. I also want to say that I have never been accused of what people suspect lead to his losses, I have been lied about. Life is beyond what we see. My strong wish is to pray that John’s soul is OK. If he hurt someone may they heal and eventually forgive. I’m ill so I won’t read more. His age was a trigger even. We will likely never know the truth but even an accusation in this current time is enough to destroy a career. May God somehow bring something good from this loss. I never saw him skate except on TV. I am very sad to hear all this. I wonder if it will be mentioned at Nationals. The timing is very bad optics for them.����

 

[moonvine]

I am so horribly sad to read this. No words.

 

[ice coverage]

… this kind of statement reads as extremely insensitive to his accusers. ...

Based on some of Dalilah's specific wording, I do not agree.

... But this rabid anger at his reputation being ruined—as if that were more important than getting to the truth of allegations—still makes me uncomfortable. ...

And I do not agree with your characterization of "as if that were more important than getting to the truth of allegations."

… This is a terrible event for everyone involved. People can process grief however they want; I'm not trying to police how they do so. I just personally think more caution and care could be taken with regard to the possible survivor(s).

I do not want to attack you and I do not want to argue with you. You are entitled to your opinions.

But you're "not trying to police how they do so"? Your posts are giving a very different impression, IMO.

 

[Seren]

I need to get this off my chest.

I know she is grieving, but this kind of statement reads as extremely insensitive to his accusers. There are ways of sending your condolences to his family and regretting that a horrible event like suicide took place without implying that his accusers are lying, or that he is the victim of injustice. The thing is, he had the option of due process, and for reasons unknown to us he chose not to see that due process through. Now his family and accusers may never have that closure.

It just makes me uncomfortable to see everybody gush about how nice/handsome/honest he is when we still do not know the whole story. A terribly sad thing happened, and his family deserves all the support and sympathy in the world. That is all I would say publicly without knowing the full extent of the accusations and their veracity.

My condolences to his family. I can’t imagine living through something like this.

Thank you for saying this. I agree completely.

The entire situation is sad and none of us know the details. I hope everyone involved finds peace and closure.

 

[NymphyNymphy]

If the allegations are true, I feel bad for the victims who will not get justice. As well as John's family for losing a son and brother.
If the allegations turn out to be false, the accusers should be sentenced for murder. If the accuser indeed lied about these allegations to defame John, they will never have a sound night of sleep knowing their lies drove a man to commit suicide.

 

[sabinfire]

Rest in peace, John. Such a sad situation all around.

 

[Icey]

were he and Caydee still together? This is tragic. I almost don't have the spirit to watch or even care about nationals.

 

[dailytg20]

His due process was the ongoing investigation. He chose not to see that through by taking his own life.

At least I think that is what rachno2 means.

He has given up his chance for exoneration and his victims’ chances for justice.

While I see what you are saying and am glad that everyone is being respectful, I would also like us to be careful with how we contextualize the mindset of a suicidal person. I may agree with your conclusion from the outside looking in, but the notion of choice becomes a bit gray when someone is in this place, at least in my experience.

 

[Shani]

Rest in Peace John. So sorry for you and your family and your skating family. And so sorry for anyone else in this wake.

 

[Shanshani]

If the allegations are true, I feel bad for the victims who will not get justice. As well as John's family for losing a son and brother.
If the allegations turn out to be false, the accusers should be sentenced for murder. If the accuser indeed lied about these allegations to defame John, they will never have a sound night of sleep knowing their lies drove a man to commit suicide.

Even if the accusations are false, it was not the accuser who killed John. Suicide is not an inevitable outcome of being accused of sexual misconduct and the accuser could not have known it would happen. Given how often victims of sexual assault are disbelieved and accused of making false accusations, I wish people would refrain from saying things like this. It creates a serious disincentive for victims to come forth--they cannot know if other people will believe them, and this kind of rhetoric will increase the fear of consequences in the event that people don't.

 

[Metis]

Even if the accusations are false, it was not the accuser who killed John. Suicide is not an inevitable outcome of being accused of sexual misconduct and the accuser could not have known it would happen. Given how often victims of sexual assault are disbelieved and accused of making false accusations, I wish people would refrain from saying things like this. It creates a serious disincentive for victims to come forth--they cannot know if other people will believe them, and this kind of rhetoric will increase the fear of consequences in the event that people don't.

thank you

 

[BeTheLivingProof]

Even if the accusations are false, it was not the accuser who killed John. Suicide is not an inevitable outcome of being accused of sexual misconduct and the accuser could not have known it would happen. Given how often victims of sexual assault are disbelieved and accused of making false accusations, I wish people would refrain from saying things like this. It creates a serious disincentive for victims to come forth--they cannot know if other people will believe them, and this kind of rhetoric will increase the fear of consequences in the event that people don't.

Exactly. False accusations are actually pretty rare, and comments like this will only discourage people who were victims to come forward. What happened truly is a shame, but it is in no way the fault of the accusers.

 

[NymphyNymphy]

Even if the accusations are false, it was not the accuser who killed John. Suicide is not an inevitable outcome of being accused of sexual misconduct and the accuser could not have known it would happen. Given how often victims of sexual assault are disbelieved and accused of making false accusations, I wish people would refrain from saying things like this. It creates a serious disincentive for victims to come forth--they cannot know if other people will believe them, and this kind of rhetoric will increase the fear of consequences in the event that people don't.

In most cases the accusations are true and the victims, in this case, will not get the justice they deserve (as I stated). Being falsely accused is not impossible. It is a probability. Why would a victim fear "false accusation" if their accusations are true? I'm sorry but false accusations happen. Like it or not, there are people out there to ruin lives. Its happened at our school, and that poor teacher will never have her old life back even after being proven innocent. The two parents who made the false accusations were jailed but the teacher will forever live with the stigma of being the "abuser" and the feeling of being wrongly shunned by society. There is no verdict on the situation, why can I not state both sides?

 

[Metis]

In most cases the accusations are true and the victims, in this case, will not get the justice they deserve (as I stated). Being falsely accused is not impossible. It is a probability. Why would a victim fear "false accusation" if their accusations are true? I'm sorry but false accusations happen. Like it or not, there are people out there to ruin lives. Its happened at our school, and that poor teacher will never have her old life back even after being proven innocent. The two parents who made the false accusations were jailed but the teacher will forever live with the stigma of being the "abuser" and the feeling of being wrongly shunned by society. There is no verdict on the situation, why can I not state both sides?

Because the overwhelming probability is that the accusations are true, both in this specific case and regarding sexual abuse accusations overall. According to TSL, there were rumours a police report was likely to come out soon with regard to Coughlin.

Also: your experience with a false accusation does not mean it’s okay to start off-loading what comes across as responsibility for suicide onto an abuser’s victims. My abuser taught me everything was my responsibility, and that if I wanted to stay alive, I would make him happy. When I began to make accusations against him, I lived in fear he would commit suicide if they became public — but that he’d commit suicide by first killing me. The amount of time and energy I spent in fear of his mental state and trying to alter it to evade abuse is time and energy I will never have back. Neither will Coughlin’s victims. And the way some people (not necessarily you, but it’s becoming a trend on social media) have been quick to say people have blood on their hands or are responsible for his decision — and it was, ultimately, his and only his decision — to commit suicide... I just do not have it in me to explain how abusive that is.