Thank you so much for sharing Sota's words!
I have to admit I am still in a state of stupor and fear. It's not that Sota bombed, I could live with that. That's life. But it's rather his demeanor, and his vagueness in the last two interviews, that fills me with unrest. It sounds like he either doesn't know, or doesn't want to tell, what the problem is.
He was full of excitement and confidence in Monday's video. What could have happened since then? Even some spectators who were there (I might be mistaken, but Shelley for one?) said he looked unwell throughout the competition, or at least that is what google translate tells me. We know he's not a stable jumper when it comes to multiple quads and 3As. He wasn't clean at regionals and sectionals either. He looked nervous there, but not downright scared and all pale as he did now. He also looked without energy and kind of defeated to me. (Frankly, the last time he looked (and spoke) like this, was at regionals and sectionals 2017) According to some, he was noticeably slow. He was not himself. Even in his comments, he sounds resigned and clueless, and that alarms me. The talk of hitting the bottom makes me nervous.
Was he just over-motivated to win in his hometown Osaka, and just broke down from the expectations he piled on himself, and the chance he sensed?
Does he have a mental issue, and would he benefit from having a distraction like school or something other than skating? If so, I hope he already does meditation or something similar, and consults with a sports psychologist.
Is he slipping into the same mindset he once had already, when jumps started failing him, which eventually led to him leaving Onishi? Could he do that for a second time? Is there maybe something in that environment (Rinkai) that is making him experience a throwback? Suddenly not even Hamada, Howa coaches and foreign coaches don't sound too bad to me, if this is so. Pity that Machida doesn't coach...
My worst nightmare is imagining that he over-trained during the past week, and started feeling discomfort in either ankle. That's something that could well make Sota beside himself with worry, and explain all his uncertainty and fearful expression. His injury will probably remain a trauma he won't ever forget, and any sign that may, or may not signal, it returning, is sure to shake him to the core. If we consider that sometimes, bolts in the spine break - and you now have an ankle on which you land directly, and there are three objects that could each potentially break... Also, remember how he seldom speaks of his health issues, and we only learned of his former three fractures afterwards?
I'll keep hoping it's not the third option, because the boy has already suffered enough and fate should just give him a break. Also, he mentioned something about Nationals, which I hope he wouldn't mention if he already knew something was amiss with his foot.
Sorry for the wall of text. I just need to vent my fears. Regardless of what may happen next, I'll never stop being a Sota fan as long as he skates or coaches.
, Sota!
But he tries to 
I caught interesting music motifs there that Sota could have picked for his LP. An interesting film, though I am dubious things were really that dramatically gory in reality. Anyhow, I hope Sota conquers his inner demons tomorrow and the day after, and skates to a better placement than both previous times. Good luck, Sota, and don't get hurt or anything!
Frankly, kinda sad for me as a fan to see him supported only when he does well.
On the plus side, NHK is not really worth anything this season, and he has some time to regroup and rethink before Nats.
