Random Confessions

[NoNameFace]

No Name Face, I am so happy to have had the privilege of meeting you in Milan, and let me say you are a beautiful person both on the inside and the outside!!!

I don't know what to say, sitting at work and shedding a random tear -

This is quite an important thing for me and my full-of-insecurities-self so thanks a lot. Like A LOT LOT. I think that getting more involved into FS, deciding on going to competition, getting to know people with same passion/interest as mine (and let me just say it was an absolute honor to meet you to, dear Arriba, the gift you handled me hangs on my mirror and reminds me every day about Milan!) freed me from some of insecurities, liberated view on myself, which then gave me more energy to follow my dreams, to make some more plans, to get back to arts, to even decide on that job change. It all may seem a little bit naïve, but well, it is damn truth!

 

[Ducky]

Ichatdelune, happy belated birthday!

 

[hanyuufan5]

Congrats! Really, it is also a complex of mine, acne...It's a year since my 2nd round of treatment finished and I am praying that it won't back - I tried to follow Korean multiple-steps skincare routine for a while, but either it is not working for me or I am doing something wrong (being too fast, too slow with some steps, using wrong things...). One advice I try to following is really not touching your face - it is that simple, yet that hard; also, the hydration thing is also true in my case - I see when I drink 1,5-2 l of water a day, my skin looks way better in texture and colouring. Due to my periodical drama with hair loss, I try to supplement myself with different things on 3-months rotation and now I am almost a month on collagen+zinc powder and have to say that it could be also good thing for skin...

The skincare is a tricky thing...There's indeed something about not using a bunch of products when you are young (bar some serious health issues with skin) and then jumping on skincare obsession bandwagon, buying all these different products, starting to use them and make your skin overly sensitive with all these ingredients, making a circle. I try to make a consistent skincare routine for myself, observing what works and what doesn't, writing things down for seeing eventual progress. From what I know already: oils are definitely NOT enemies of mixed/oily skin (as I though 2/3 years ago), but you have to know what oils to use, too much exfoliation is definitely an overkill (at least for me, once/twice a week with proper tonic or peeling is enough), good cleanse is a key (I went from just washing my face once with some gel to two-step cleaning routine with taking off make-up first, then properly washing my face, hand-made potassium soap with tea tree oil and taman oil is a discovery lately), using a lot of prescription drug is not always good, multi-masking works better for me than using just one mask on all of my face, moisturizing is important, but it has to be done wisely. It is definitely an individual journey to get to know your skin, watching it carefully and react if necessary

For me, I just didn't particularly care, because I got way too good at covering my acne with makeup and forgetting about it. I have really, really tough skin, I think you could cure sensitive skin just by shaking hands with me. But the dermatologists all treated me like I had sensitive skin anyway and never prescribed strong enough products. When I told one of them that I used an alcohol-based product that my regular doctor prescribed for a particularly bad flare-up, she reacted as if I had told her I was slathering my face in paint thinner or something. And then she proceeded to recommend all oil-free, extra-gentle products that definitely wouldn't have worked, plus some antibiotics even though I had already told her NO antibiotic anything and that I don't have remotely sensitive skin.

I think specialist doctors are allergic to me. Or maybe I give off some force field that interferes with the listening and critical thinking parts of their brains. I wish my family doctor could just study everything I ever need a specialist for so I never have to go to one again. He's pretty much the only one who's ever managed to fix anything (probably because he's the only one who actually listens to me).

 

[Heleng]

Happy belated birthday, Ichatdelune! Wishing you a good year, in life and also for your figure skating darlings

 

[NoNameFace]

Shoutout to elektra blue for giving my 20.000th thumb up!!!

 

[Arriba627]

I just got my 20,000 a few days ago too. How did that happen?! It sort of crept up on me!

 

[Ichatdelune]

My stomach is basically always on the verge of going on a strike (three years of dorm life plus an overly sensitive nervous system plus unstable mental conditions do that to you), but what I am experiencing right now is guerrilla warfare. Please, stomach, I have extra work from the academy (a lot of document editing, i.e. manual labour), extra tutor sessions starting this weekend, and I also have to attend a wedding 4+ hours drive away (which requires me to wake up 5 hours earlier than usual, and knowing my father he'll insist on staying as long as he can), some cooperation would be much appreciated...

I have no idea if this is because I am emotionally distant with my father, but I honestly don't care for my paternal side of the extended family. For both my paternal grandmother's and grandfather's death I was unemotional, partially because I was preparing for high school (my alma mater is a kind of an elite school, you have to go through interviews and whatnot to be admitted) and was constantly under heavy stress, but it's not like I would've wept if I weren't under those conditions. I can't tell which aunt is which among my father's five older sisters (excluding my father's second oldest sister who works with him, and also his youngest older sister because she's quite tall) never mind their husbands, even now when two among them are divorced. I don't even know the name of the one who's getting married, a son of an older aunt. Don't know which one. I can never remember how old my uncle (my father's younger brother)'s children are even though I see them twice a year for the holidays. Hell, I can't even properly recall their faces.

I mean, I don't see my maternal side of the family much either. Maman's older sister lives in Toronto with her daughter Diana (who is going to move to Vancouver soon with her fiance) and son, her younger sister used to live in the US, she stayed there for at least 5 years before coming back to Busan way down south (her daughter Alice is kinda bad at Korean thanks to that, she's back in the US for college so it's not like it matters though), and her younger brother is busy with being the only son of my maternal grandfather plus dealing with two teenage girls and tweenage twin boys. But I get a sense of 'kinship', for lack of a better word, at least, with them. Like, I remember thinking 'what an a(bleep)' when the former husband of my older aunt (=Diana's father) refused to pay for child support, I felt worry when I heard my maternal grandmother had to get surgery for her ankles, and most of all I don't feel that sense of suffocation I get when I'm surrounded by strangers during a family gathering or whatnot. The 'Aren't-I-supposed-to-be-close-with-them' awkwardness is way better than 'How-the-(bleep)-am-I-supposed-to-deal-with-these-people' awkwardness, the former equals forced small talk while the latter equals sneaking off into a corner to try to to calm down my breathing.

I'm Korean born and bred, wonder why I never internalized the traditional "Blood is thicker than water" mentality. No wonder my therapist recommended sending me off overseas to my mother when he first met her

 

[hanyuufan5]

I have successfully conquered my stupid habit of eating before bed second night in a row. It's not because of weight or anything that I want to stop, just because it's wasteful and unnecessary because I'm not actually hungry, and because I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll stop having multiple looooong and weird dreams every night and wake up with fewer pimples. So what happened this morning? I woke up super proud of myself, more rested due to only one, minimally weird dream, no new pimples, and also really wishing that Deniss Vasiljevs would make me strawberry shortcake for breakfast as a reward. If only.

If I hurry, I think I can make it to the bakery before work... Unfortunately, the "being able to gaze upon the utter adorableness that is Deniss Vasiljevs" part of the reward will not come to fruition.

 

[Ichatdelune]

Today I woke up to discover that a mosquito had bitten me on the face. I consoled myself with a sakura sake KitKat maman brought from her overnight trip to Japan. So the balance of life is kept.

 

[NoNameFace]

Last two days at my current work ahead... I am starting to feel sad & nostalgic. I know I will miss this sense of known, stable surrounding I was comfortable in, but I am missing new impulses, learning & challenge. I won't lie - I am afraid of this new reality, if I will learn quickly new process, how my work will be judged, but I started once with no knowledge and no experience, so the fear will pass I hope... I made few cards and asked my team to leave few words for them for the memory and it touched me how soundly they responded!

 

[Ichatdelune]

Can someone please tell Tanith Belbin how to read East Asian names, I've given up on Korean names and shrug on Chinese ones but come on, 'shi-no-SOO-ke' for Shinnosuke?? :ddevil:

On an unrelated note, Korean weather forecasting is terrible as usual. Today marks the fourth time I've carried an umbrella on the way to work to face cloudless skies. Are they trying to tell people that it's going to be so humid that you'll feel as if it's raining?

 

[hanyuufan5]

Can someone please tell Tanith Belbin how to read East Asian names, I've given up on Korean names and shrug on Chinese ones but come on, 'shi-no-SOO-ke' for Shinnosuke?? :ddevil:

Oh gosh, not sure about Tanith in specific, but commentators butcher Russian names as well. Who is Evgenia Med-VAY-deva and why do the commentators keep announcing her name instead of Evgenia Med-VYEH-deva's? People can say what they want about Johnny Weir, but it's always a relief to know that he won't mangle the Russian skaters' names...

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

One of my Facebook friends shared this earlier, and it really struck a chord:

https://pics.me.me/in-1-year-1990-will-be-30-years-ago-when-48468186.png

That is a scary thought!!!



Mind you, it's not as scary as realising just how many of the figure skaters currently competing were born on this side of the Millennium. Like, how is that possible?! Sure, the Millennium was just a few years ago! :agree:

CaroLiza_fan

 

[hanyuufan5]

I just watched the ending of a series I've loved since high school. It was absolutely everything I had hoped for and more, almost eerily so.

To the people who mocked me for how I envisioned the ending and interpreted the characters: how do you want your crow seasoned, Russian-style or spicy!?
(Note: "to eat crow" means to be humiliated because you were wrong about something that you were insistent about.)

 

[Ichatdelune]

I've paused doing Russian courses on Duolingo because a certain Sasha (who happens to be one of the major reasons why I'm trying to learn the language) is stressing me out to the point of depression. But since I'm semi-obsessive-compulsive with checking off my 'to-do list' I have to spend some time learning a foreign language on the site. So I poked my nose into the Irish course. It's a fascinating language, VSO word order, a whole lot of noun inflections, and of course phonology that is terribly ill-represented with the Latin alphabet. It also makes my brain hurt. My irrational attraction to stuff harmful to my psyche continues. Did I mention I considered checking out the Polish course as well?

Now for something completely unrelated: I hate that I look underage. Sure, it hasn't been long since I became an legal adult, but I'd like to be seen as one. I first thought it was the lack of makeup and 'studently' hair (i.e. not dyed or curled and in a bob), but apparently not since the taxi driver I encountered on Wednesday who saw me with makeup and curled hair (in a bob, but anyway) thought I was in high school. Do I have "Naive, almost zero experience" written on my forehead or something

 

[TallyT]

Having watched another Fantasy on Ice broadcast, can I just say, totally off topic, that I have realised that I have really crossed a line. I am now loweringly addicted to weird Japanese commercials....

 

[NoNameFace]

And meanwhile I hit 8,000 posts!

I hope to post more frequently once season comes, as now I am still getting used to new job and life after the change. I hope to start making gifts for skaters next weekend, for Nepela & Nebelhorn (at least card templates & flowers for bouquets since I don't know yet who will be there). Life is busy, but busy is good!

 

[Jeanie19]

And meanwhile I hit 8,000 posts!

I hope to post more frequently once season comes, as now I am still getting used to new job and life after the change. I hope to start making gifts for skaters next weekend, for Nepela & Nebelhorn (at least card templates & flowers for bouquets since I don't know yet who will be there). Life is busy, but busy is good!

How is your new job? And I can't wait to see your beautiful flower bouquets. You are so talented.

 

[hanyuufan5]

So now I'm back into that series I mentioned and want to buy merchandise and have no extra money to.

Now for something completely unrelated: I hate that I look underage. Sure, it hasn't been long since I became an legal adult, but I'd like to be seen as one. I first thought it was the lack of makeup and 'studently' hair (i.e. not dyed or curled and in a bob), but apparently not since the taxi driver I encountered on Wednesday who saw me with makeup and curled hair (in a bob, but anyway) thought I was in high school. Do I have "Naive, almost zero experience" written on my forehead or something

I'm in my 30s and far from naive and inexperienced, but I still get mistaken for a high school student by random strangers like taxi drivers. They don't know you, so they're just going by looks, which is all they have. Some people just have young-looking faces like that. It's usually a combination of good genes and not looking like an uptight sourpuss. It's quite possible that people who saw you at work would mistake you for a professional. I always used to get mistaken for a grad student when giving presentations as an undergrad, sometimes on the same day that a stranger mistook me for a high school student!

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

I know it shouldn't have, but this has kinda shook me.

I just saw a photo of one of my favourite skaters behind the bar at the restaurant she works at, serving a tray of cocktails.

Like, I knew she had turned 18 a couple of months ago, but it hadn't fully registered in my head that she was now legally old enough to be serving alcohol.

That's the problem with watching people grow up from when they were kids. No matter how old they get, you still think of them as the kids they used to be.

CaroLiza_fan