First time posting here, I'm allowed a rant, right?
I was born and raised in Korea, my parents are both Koreans, and I've never been in another country long enough for me to say that I've lived there. And therefore Korean is my first language, I even have a slight accent thanks to my mom being from down south (I don't have the proper accent nor the vocabulary to say I have the dialect, it's really more like just a splash of Busan talk, but I digress). So any language other than Korean should be a second/third/etc language, right?
The thing is, since English is of big importance here, mom introduced English to my life at around 3. I read Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Where The Wild Things Are, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, Curious George, the Mr. Men and Little Miss series, I Will Never Not Ever Eat A Tomato, and hundreds of others I'm sure I'm forgetting along with Korean children's books (although I later found out quite a few of them were translated Japanese books, I read them first in Korean), I watched Barney, Dora the Explorer, and Sesame Street along with Korean kiddie shows, you get the gist. And it happened that I had a knack with languages (not to brag, really, it's not like I'm a genius or something), I just picked it up without any help. So my excited mother sent me to an English-speaking kindergarten when I was six, and so for around two years I spent my life talking only in English at school. I don't think I even considered English to be a foreign language at that point.
I could go on about my semi-bilingual childhood and how I hated that you couldn't turn the Korean subtitles off at the movie theatre, but the point is that I belong in this grey area where I'm neither bilingual nor not bilingual. See, my cognitive system works mainly in Korean, but my brain has a switch of some sorts, and if it's flicked on (with or without my volition) then I think and speak in English. And today, long story short, I had a very awkward moment with a professor because my brain refused to convert back to Korean mode. Ever tried presenting an argument on a topic of Korean syntax while your brain thinks in English? It's awkward. Like, La La Land-no-it's-actually-Moonlight awkward. I felt like an idiot, I spoke like an idiot, and now I'm frustrated with myself for not being able to properly express my thoughts. But it's not like if the professor would've understood me if I'd spoken in English, the arguments themselves were based on my not-quite organized Korean thoughts so I'd have fumbled trying to convert the Korean thought pieces into English. And it's so frustrating because the whole mess is hard to explain, and it's even harder to be understood.
This is getting too long, I'll stop here. Just another day of me being frustrated with myself.