Random Confessions

[NoNameFace]

Hm, long-ish time, no posts...
Maybe it's because I feel kind of...disconnected from skating?
The second part of last season, media's coverage and things said by some skating fans really put me off. And honestly I don't know the way out of the annoyed/discouraged/disconnected feelings I developed for the sport that often served as my life support and cushion place from real life stuff.
Moreover, I don't know if I want to get out of that state.

Despite kinda hating and being angry about the sport, its coverage and toxicity seen in the 'fandom', the irrational part of my brain still wants to appreciate skaters (at least those I want to appreciate...). It's just rambling at this point, so I apologise. I'm just a bit...lost about this state I can't even explain properly. Plus it's high time I should make bookings and schedule for the autumn, yet I feel zero energy to do it. Which makes me a bit sad.

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

Hm, long-ish time, no posts...
Maybe it's because I feel kind of...disconnected from skating?
The second part of last season, media's coverage and things said by some skating fans really put me off. And honestly I don't know the way out of the annoyed/discouraged/disconnected feelings I developed for the sport that often served as my life support and cushion place from real life stuff.
Moreover, I don't know if I want to get out of that state.

Despite kinda hating and being angry about the sport, its coverage and toxicity seen in the 'fandom', the irrational part of my brain still wants to appreciate skaters (at least those I want to appreciate...). It's just rambling at this point, so I apologise. I'm just a bit...lost about this state I can't even explain properly. Plus it's high time I should make bookings and schedule for the autumn, yet I feel zero energy to do it. Which makes me a bit sad.

Don't apologize. It was a big step for you to even come here and try to explain this. If you ever want to talk you can PM me.
BTW: I've really missed seeing you here and talking with you.

 

[TallyT]

This picture popped up on one of my more general feeds, and now I can't stop seeing it............

Or giggling.

 

[elbkup]

This picture popped up on one of my more general feeds, and now I can't stop seeing it............

View attachment 6670

Or giggling.

How original! And fun.. as an adult I it but bet children go nuts

 

[LolaSkatesInJapan]

I just saw this thread on the "What's New" section and was wondering if this is for any kind of confession. If not, please delete with my apologies.

I confess I always come home feeling sad and down after Sunday's group practice session, especially more lately.
I love my coach, love her teaching style, would LOVE to get private time with her (she has zero time, so I have 2 hours weekly private with another coach who is awesome too), but it starts that we can only use the ice from 13:45 on Sunday due to lots of hockey games, tests and auditions happening, so they need the ice to practice for even longer on weekends. Then after 13:45 they also open the ice for public sessions and even a kids zone, all together. Very bad and impossible to practice or even do efficient on ice warm up when you need to be watching for kids (and even adults) who can't skate and use those toy aids for getting around all over the ice.
Then finally our group practice starts at 15:45 and I often (even more lately) can't do anything right, lack stamina and am tired so soon (for total lack of ice warm up), feel so tense, frustrated and sad, and quite possible go have some tears in the bathroom after it's finished, come home doubting myself and if I'll ever achieve what I hope to achieve after putting this as maximum priority and spending so much time with it.
It doesn't help that Monday is rink day off so no skating and on Monday night, I have all these doubtful feelings mostly gone and already missing the ice, thinking what I will practice on Tuesday and looking forward to my private session. Not many people in the rink during weekdays, no hockey making the ice all rough after 13:15 or kids with toy aids, plenty of time for great warm up and ice practice before the private session and I always end them so happy and accomplished.

I wish I was stronger at my mental state as I once was. Mental blockages and fears are my worst enemy and I wish I could train to improve these as much as I train to improve the physical side (and succeed). The end!

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

I just saw this thread on the "What's New" section and was wondering if this is for any kind of confession. If not, please delete with my apologies.

I confess I always come home feeling sad and down after Sunday's group practice session, especially more lately.
I love my coach, love her teaching style, would LOVE to get private time with her (she has zero time, so I have 2 hours weekly private with another coach who is awesome too), but it starts that we can only use the ice from 13:45 on Sunday due to lots of hockey games, tests and auditions happening, so they need the ice to practice for even longer on weekends. Then after 13:45 they also open the ice for public sessions and even a kids zone, all together. Very bad and impossible to practice or even do efficient on ice warm up when you need to be watching for kids (and even adults) who can't skate and use those toy aids for getting around all over the ice.
Then finally our group practice starts at 15:45 and I often (even more lately) can't do anything right, lack stamina and am tired so soon (for total lack of ice warm up), feel so tense, frustrated and sad, and quite possible go have some tears in the bathroom after it's finished, come home doubting myself and if I'll ever achieve what I hope to achieve after putting this as maximum priority and spending so much time with it.
It doesn't help that Monday is rink day off so no skating and on Monday night, I have all these doubtful feelings mostly gone and already missing the ice, thinking what I will practice on Tuesday and looking forward to my private session. Not many people in the rink during weekdays, no hockey making the ice all rough after 13:15 or kids with toy aids, plenty of time for great warm up and ice practice before the private session and I always end them so happy and accomplished.

I wish I was stronger at my mental state as I once was. Mental blockages and fears are my worst enemy and I wish I could train to improve these as much as I train to improve the physical side (and succeed). The end!

Have you looked into working with a sports psychologist? They would be able to help you with these things.

 

[LolaSkatesInJapan]

Have you looked into working with a sports psychologist? They would be able to help you with these things.

I didn't know such specialty existed within the psychology field. I go frequently to psychiatrist since I need to take certain medications for autism management (I'm autistic) but I haven't gone to psychology therapy any longer since early teenager years (therapy for autistics, nothing sports/ballet specialized). At those times it was just toughen up and practice more.
I understand times have changed and mental health has come to be prioritized in all fields, however unfortunately in some locations the subject is still stigmatized (this country included). I highly doubt it I will find such professional locally, but I will research (locally and internationally) and perhaps find a professional. who would agree to work with me on a video meeting basis, if in person sessions won't be possible. I thank you for your suggestion, and do you know any professional you'd recommend?

 

[Ic3Rabbit]

I didn't know such specialty existed within the psychology field. I go frequently to psychiatrist since I need to take certain medications for autism management (I'm autistic) but I haven't gone to psychology therapy any longer since early teenager years (therapy for autistics, nothing sports/ballet specialized). At those times it was just toughen up and practice more.
I understand times have changed and mental health has come to be prioritized in all fields, however unfortunately in some locations the subject is still stigmatized (this country included). I highly doubt it I will find such professional locally, but I will research (locally and internationally) and perhaps find a professional. who would agree to work with me on a video meeting basis, if in person sessions won't be possible. I thank you for your suggestion, and do you know any professional you'd recommend?

I know of multiple in US/Canada. There are some for sure in Japan, but not sure if they are available to lower levels or not (I don't see why not), but regardless, see what you can find out there. I wish you luck and hope you can get the help that you need.

 

[LolaSkatesInJapan]

I know of multiple in US/Canada. There are some for sure in Japan, but not sure if they are available to lower levels or not (I don't see why not), but regardless, see what you can find out there. I wish you luck and hope you can get the help that you need.

Thank you very much!
I've ran a local search in Japanese language and found several names.... who work with JP olympic athletes.
Ran another search this time in English and found about 10+ times the number of results
Ran another in German, also lots of results, also in Romanian plenty of results.

Read some of the results, it seems to focus on mental performance in competition. I love competing, have no mental issues during competition or prior to it, love an audience and performing for it is always exciting, have plenty of practice time in the competition day, ice is empty only with competitors, no kids with toy aids or hockey players crashing into you. Mostly great results, but have had bad too, but watched the video, saw what went wrong, and always the excitment and hope to do better next time.

My issue is this particular weekly Sunday group practice. It's much better during Winter when they open at 12 for us in weekends, by 14 all the kids with toy aids and hockey players are gone, so by 15:45 (practice start) I'm well prepared. But open at 13:45, can't enter before that, until I finish warm up off ice is around 14:30, try to enter the ice and it's crowded, etc (like I explained above).

I messaged a couple of places in the USA that do sports mental coaching/psychology for atheltes of all levels and work globally by video meeting and wait to hear back.

Thank you very much!

 

[NanaPat]

My issue is this particular weekly Sunday group practice. It's much better during Winter when they open at 12 for us in weekends, by 14 all the kids with toy aids and hockey players are gone, so by 15:45 (practice start) I'm well prepared. But open at 13:45, can't enter before that, until I finish warm up off ice is around 14:30, try to enter the ice and it's crowded, etc (like I explained above).

Have you considered skipping the Sunday practice? How much benefit do you think you are getting from it? Does that benefit outweigh the downside?

You could use the time for off-ice training or do something completely different (go for a walk or do an activity that you don't normally do). Your body and mind both need time to rest and recuperate.

 

[NoNameFace]

Don't apologize. It was a big step for you to even come here and try to explain this. If you ever want to talk you can PM me.
BTW: I've really missed seeing you here and talking with you.

Thank you for kindness.
I guess I just have to take skating more casually and lose attachments to avoid state like I'm currently in. Easier to say than done though.
I wish I felt excited over new programs, interviews, shows, yet I just.. can't. And forcing myself to enjoy something is not my way to deal with stuff (enough is for me to pretend at work or with my family, so I can't stretch my capacity more). It is what is it, I'll probably watch from time to time, maybe go for JGPs to cheer for kiddos, maybe a GP if P² will be in vicinity aka Europe...we shall see.

 

[NoNameFace]

Thank goodness I worked from home today because in the middle of the workday I had a brief teary crying jag, lol.
And what's worse, it started with...a praise from upper level. A praise that was followed by a chat with coworker with whom I worked on the assignment. They started by asking me why I'm not subject matter expert there, but it was their further question that really made me crumble. They asked if I feel appreciated at work now in right, sufficient way. And honestly...? I don't even know what kind of appreciation (or if appreciation at all) would make me content, accomplished, or just happy in place I'm currently in. It really hit me that I do not even anticipate appreciation in sense of reward or praise - I'm just doing my job, trying to do it well (because my sick perfectionism doesn't allow me to do it half-arsed) and...just exist out there.
While the coworker tried to convince me that I'm the best candidate to be an expert, I've realised that I won't ever apply even if there will be position to compete for. Because I'm afraid of disappointment - I'd rather rot in one place because of my fear of change and no self-confidence than try to make some move. And it's terrifying to realise that those fears have such strong grip on me.
I've always thought that not trying would not set my expectations too high and thus I won't get disappointed. And now I have the results, others are thinking higher of me that I am able to do it myself. It's...sad.

 

[TallyT]

My issue is this particular weekly Sunday group practice. It's much better during Winter when they open at 12 for us in weekends, by 14 all the kids with toy aids and hockey players are gone, so by 15:45 (practice start) I'm well prepared. But open at 13:45, can't enter before that, until I finish warm up off ice is around 14:30, try to enter the ice and it's crowded, etc (like I explained above).

I've seen footage of the crowds at the rinks, and I do feel for you.

 

[LolaSkatesInJapan]

Have you considered skipping the Sunday practice? How much benefit do you think you are getting from it? Does that benefit outweigh the downside?

You could use the time for off-ice training or do something completely different (go for a walk or do an activity that you don't normally do). Your body and mind both need time to rest and recuperate.

I love the coach the leads this practice and love the way she coaches. I've asked if she has even 1 hour, 45 minutes, 30 mins, 15, 10, 5, ONE minute to give me private and no, she has no time. So this time is the only chance I have to get a bit of her time, since I'm not alone and there are other people in the practice.
I just wish I could escape this latest pattern of not being able to do a thing right in this practice. She's seen me practicing on weekdays (it's a different me, all relaxed and doing well)and has even come to me to praise me, then her Sunday session comes and it's all different

 

[LolaSkatesInJapan]

I've seen footage of the crowds at the rinks, and I do feel for you.

Thank you. It's really overwhelming, sensory overload all these kids and adults with toy aids, people with hockey skates massacrating the ice, figure skaters trying to get through all that traffic all mixed besides those who can't let go of the walls and what I think it was the last straw, someone skating backwards at full speed without watching where she was going crashed into me about a month ago, badly. Those who saw said she sent me flying & I knocked some kids with toy aids on my way. I was skating forwards, not like turtle so slow, but wasn't speeding (I'm just unable to speed with a skating crowd) either. The fall itself didn't hurt, I usually wear padded shorts, but she is bigger than me and the impact did hurt. I just remember closing my eyes out of reflex, and for a moment I just zoned out. Came back to sense sitting on the ice with my coach and the other girl's coach around me asking if I was OK. So embarassing. I wanted to disappear from there at that moment, felt like I', just in the way of people. After a little cry in the toilet I came back and thought it'd be rude to leave, since my Sunday coach had already seen I was there.

 

[TallyT]

Sharing this here because oh god, does this have my number...


(That second picture looks like me today.)
(And not being a Great Sporting God who Doesn't Know What Slowing Down Means, I tend to flake out half way through the second task... and don't talk to me about lists, I feel so virtuous about making them that I never feel the impetus to actually follow them)

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

I watched "My Best Friend's Wedding" a few days ago, and I have to confess, I was firmly on Team Julianne. I know I shouldn't be, because the things she was doing were plain not nice, but I found Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) really annoying. I'd have chosen Julianne over her any day.

But, that's hardly surprising. It's Julia Roberts. I would never turn her down!

CaroLiza_fan

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

you should wash better your ears then

I can't! The long hair keeps getting in the way!

It's a curse! And I really want it back to being short. But, I don't want to go to the barber's.

CaroLiza_fan

Right from when he arrived as a baddie, Tommy was my favourite Power Ranger. I was 8 at the time, and in my group of friends, I always played Tommy when we were playing Power Rangers. And I secretly wanted to grow my hair long like his. But, there was no point trying, as I knew my school wouldn't allow it. Fast forward to the pandemic, and I saw this as an opportunity to finally grow my hair long, and see what it was like. It has now been over 3 years since I last had a haircut, and at no stage has it looked anywhere near as good as JDF's hair did!

Well, it may have taken me nearly a year since I complained about it in a Junior GP competition thread, but I finally got my hair cut on Thursday morning.

I would have liked to have seen how long it could have got, but I just couldn't put up with it any more. I decided a couple of months ago that it had to go, but decided to wait until July, as I always used to get my hair cut at the start of July and wanted to get back into my normal sequence.

I admit, when the time came, I was still nervous, and I ended up putting it off again for a few weeks. But, last week, I plucked up the courage to finally get it done.

We parked opposite the barber's, so I was able to see through the window. There were a couple of people waiting so, since I was nervous, I waited in the car until the place cleared. Unfortunately, two more people arrived while I was in the car and so got in before me, but fortunately one of them didn't have much hair left to cut! Yes, it meant I was sitting in the car for 45 minutes, but I didn't mind.

When the place cleared and I went up, I was really re-assured. It turns out that the barber was still taking measures that a lot of places have abandoned. There was hand sanitiser at the front door; he had new chairs, and they were more spaced out than they used to be (he had also got rid of a bench that he used to have against one of the walls, as he felt it was encouraging people to sit closer together); he now had individual gowns for each customer, and a laundry bin to put them into straight after they had been used; he had hand sanitiser for himself.

While I was getting it cut, he told me stories of what it had been like since I last saw him nearly 3 ½ years ago. And I soon realised that he had taken the pandemic more seriously than a lot of people.

It may sound silly, but I brought a paper bag with me, and asked him if I could have the hair as a souvenir of when it was long. And he said "no problem - it would only be going into the bin". He actually understood me wanting something to remember it by. And now I have a bag of my hair!

It's great! I feel like myself again!

And it was great to be able to wash my hair on Friday and not have to spend half the day using a hairdryer on it!

The only problem is that I still go to play with my hair, forgetting that it's not there any more!

I'm glad I did take the opportunity grow my hair long. It was interesting to see what it was like.

But, I definitely won't be in a rush to do it again!

CaroLiza_fan

 

[CaroLiza_fan]

A few days ago, Film4 showed two films back-to-back. And when I saw them listed in the schedule, I burst out laughing.

"Good Boys" (2019)

...followed by...

"Mean Girls" (2004)​

Sounds about right!

Only joking!

I actually watched "Mean Girls" a few months ago, and afterwards I was asking "Are girls that age really like that? Because none of the girls I knew at school were".

I watched "Good Boys" today, and afterwards I was asking "Are boys that age really like that? Because none of the boys I knew at school were. And I certainly wasn't".

I have to admit, of the two films, I enjoyed "Mean Girls" a lot more. Although "Good Boys" had a good basic story to it, the way it was padded out was far too crude for my taste.

CaroLiza_fan

 

[Mathematician]

I actually watched "Mean Girls" a few months ago, and afterwards I was asking "Are girls that age really like that? Because none of the girls I knew at school were".

Its rare that girls are overtly like that because the characters in the movie are one dimensional satires for the sake of simplicity and humour (since the movie is geared towards young girls) but most girls that age are fundamentally similar to Regina George (I think that was her name) in much more nuanced and discrete ways. It's about social sabotage, jealously, toxic relationships... The movie makes it more overt with that character though for the sake of the message to show how silly those charactaristics really are so girls are more introspective about it.

Its a relatively well done commentary on young girl's social lives. In general Mean Girls is actually a great movie.